How to Stand in Your Purpose-Part 2
Step 2 - Breathe
Now, let's be clear: Step 1 is still in play here and always will be. By the way...if you didn't read Part 1, you probably want to check that out here before you read on. I should give you a little background info before we get back to where I left off last time. At this time in our lives we were living with Mom and Dad. Just what every 35 year old wants in life. I know now, it was one of the greatest blessings of my life. Funny how the universe works.
Life was moving along. We were saving money to build our dream home some day. We were a family of 5 and we were go-go-go. Then, Dad started to get back pain. The doctor told him he pulled a muscle at the gym or maybe he just needed a new work chair. He knew it was something more. I remember sitting with him at home and he said, "I know I didn't just pull a muscle. I know it's something inside and it's not good." So, he went for more tests. They found it right away when they did a scan. On September 9, 2014 we all gathered at home and we knew. He had the final stages of pancreatic cancer and it had moved to his liver. They gave him 3 months to live.
This is when I learned to breathe. What else can you do? Go crazy or breathe. I did a little of both but tried to stop and take a breath when I could. Am I really going to let my kids live here and watch their beloved Papa die?! Breathe. Am I just going to leave my mom to go through this alone?! Breathe. Why did we have to move in and allow the kids to get even closer to him?! Breathe. What will we do when he dies?! Live here forever?? I can't leave Mom alone, but my kids need stability!! Breathe. I learned that the answers are there you just have to let go of control and just be.
Dad died exactly 3 months later on December 9, 2014. My mom was holding him in her sleep when he passed. The last thing I said to him was, "I love you, Dad. Thank you for everything." That sentence meant so much: thank you for loving me, thank you for being such a fun, crazy, sarcastic guy, thank you for my childhood, thank you for loving my kids and being the best Papa they could ask for. From that moment on, life would never be the same.
Through all of this, I came to the realization that I had worked so much on the outside of my body...now it was time to focus on the inside. So, I read...a lot. The book that really changed it all for me was "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson. What a beautiful book!
How do you make that miracle happen? Stop and breathe. We have so much power in our minds and we can choose every minute of every day how we want to feel about any given situation. I continued to read and attended a couple life changing retreats hosted by the incredible Jodie Rodenbaugh. The most important lesson I learned at the retreats was that there's enough to go around. There's enough beauty, enough love, enough success, and enough money for everyone. This was huge to me. I realized I was in competition with people instead of realizing we all have gifts to give and we all give them in our own beautiful way. One person's success does not limit my success. It really was like a switch. I left that retreat a changed woman ready to spread some love.
I was learning to get in the flow for sure. I still didn't know who the hell I was or what my purpose here on Earth was...but I knew I was getting closer. I felt a shift. I started feeling stuck in my box at work and knew I couldn't continue with my secure teaching job if I wanted to grow into who I was meant to be.
One day I took a deep breath and it all made sense...